yes i awoke and i awoke by her side
and then, at 3:46 am the phone rings, and i wake up but don’t pick up. oh yes, i can be *very* bitchy! but then it rings a second time, and now i pick up and a voice i don’t know says
“hello phil?”
“hm…”
“did i wake you up?”
“mildly…”
and the voice tells me that it’s the friend’s with whom you’ve been out drinking because you’ll go on tour for three weeks next monday. and the voice says that it wasn’t your fault that you did not call back because it was your friend who kept you from doing so and that you’d be standing next by, very drunk and whether you should still come to sleep over at my place.
“sure” i’m saying and fifteen minutes later you stumble up the stairs, very drunk, your hair smelling of alcohol and cigarettes and you’re falling into my arms, mumbling imsorryimsorryimsosorrysosorry. i swallow my anger, and then, lying next to you, it takes a long time to fall asleep again.
so what does this teach us? first of all my resolution to stay emotionally uninvolved this time didn’t really catch on. i guess that’s why i was pissed off yesterday night, too: because you not calling made me realize that all this has turned into something i’m afraid of losing. tough luck!
