oh lover, come and lie with me, if my lover is who you are
okay, folks. that’s it. i mean, that’s really it. i am NOT making this up! fucking hell! i just got a text message that read “coffee?”. i didn’t know the number. two minutes later i got another message that said: “oh yes, right: i’ve got a new number. this is s.. also los!”
and even though i suspect that this is just one of those spam messages that try to make you answer to expensive numbers i was perplexed and dumbstruck. s. is not really a frequent name in germany. WHO THE FUCK IS DIRECTING THIS??????!!!!!!!!!
later:
i don’t want this bullshit any longer. i’m so tired. i simply don’t want it anymore. :o(
sitting on the balcony, listening to aimee mann’s “wise up”. there’s a thunderstorm coming. it has been warm and sunny all day long, but now the sky is filled with high clouds and the wind keeps getting cooler. my eyes hurt. been sitting in the sun this afternoon on the campus, correcting term papers, listening to the p-wolf. it was all peaceful and quiet. it was just what i needed after a frustrating latin class. there’s a lawn in front of the library building and it was completely covered with daisies. thousands of them. i started to count them only in the vicinity where i was sitting, and i soon lost track. they were swarming all over the green, swaying in the wind in unison, turning left and right simultaneously, like a large flock of birds or a school of fish. a small rabbit was jumping from under a bush. the dry wind was blowing clouds of dust across the square in little whirls and the students were trying to cover their faces with books that had come freshly from the library. the rabbit hesitated, looked around and jumped back into the bush. i know : sounds like dorothy in wonderland.
here’s something that i scribbled in my notebook the other night : “songs are more important than women!!”. decided that this was kind of a hasty statement when two female students laid down on the lawn not far from me, removing every piece of clothing that decency allowed.
the sun is setting and it’s slowly getting dark. people are collecting the washing from the balconies and the birds are starting to mark their territory by songs. the clouds have vanished and the sky is clear again. could you please tell me what the point is? i seem to have lost track of it.
weird feeling : after the text message had come in i needed to talk to someone urgently, i didn’t really know, why, i just wanted to, i don’t know, have some comfort? is this the right word? probably not. some grounding? some being-pulled-back to reality, maybe? but princess superstar is in montreal. and jamie didn’t answer the phone. and elaine didn’t answer the phone. and blane didn’t answer the phone. fuck. i felt a menacing solitude suddenly. i read a great line from nabokov today: “like a mental counterpart of a bad taste in the mouth” exactly. plus the emotional equivalent of having run 14 km on two consecutive days. i’m worn out and if i would only do drugs i would get me a loooooong trip to wonderland tonight.
