put your hand over the side of the boat
what a way to start the new year: I AM SOOOOO PISSED! i got a new year’s card from anne today. she wrote about her new apartment and how happy she is to finally live in the city center and then the last sentence was: “well, before you hear it through the grapevine, i am newly in love.”
now, don’t get me wrong! i’m happy for her. i spoke to blane today and apparently her new boy-friend is a very tall english guy. good for her. but it made me wonder: what is my half-life? i mean that girl told me that i was the man of her dreams, that she wouldn’t want to be with anybody else, that she felt more passionate about me than about anybody before. and now, after two months, she is in love with another guy?! what does this say about the emotional impression i leave on women when they get over me *that* quickly?!?
and what’s more, what really made me angry: WHY DOES EVERYBODY MANAGE TO BE HAPPY EXCEPT FOR ME? why does everybody manage to find a new love, a new partner immediately. x. could. s. could. anne did. only i am the jackass who’s left behind and alone. fucking hell! this isn’t fair! argh! so SCREW THE NEW YEAR!!!!!
“everybody’s lost!!” morrissey is singing full of conviction. but that’s a fucking lie!
i was so bloody angry (and i still am) that i ordered a new effect pedal for the gigs which are ahead. did i mention that i’m planning to try to get the 200 lurkers some gigs? i haven’t even asked a single club yet, but at least i’ll be properly equipped in case they let me play. it’s a TONEWORKS AX-10 A. what i need as well now is some kind of sampling device with a pedal. but i don’t think that there is such a thing. it would have to be a small effect pedal that can store mp3s or wav.-files that will start playing when you step on it. does this make sense? because i want to use prerecorded samples (like drum and backing vocals tracks) but when i’m playing i only have my feet left to operate a player so i need something that’s controlled via a foot-switch. i don’t think that there is such a sample pedal - which is weird because it seems to be such an obvious thing to use for anybody who is performing on his/her own. well, if you know of any such device, let me know.
jana wrote as well today, but she sounded rather matter-of-fact and reserved. not that it would matter much because she is in the fucking czech republic which is fucking 27648 light-years away! for some reason she has made it onto my desktop. it was either her or spongebob.
